Fragment #4

I linger here in chaos
in darkness
with bits of scattered light
here and there
to remind me of what I am shown
of human nature.

circa 04

Fragment #3

"denial"

this is not my bleeding heart
on the floor
this is not my soul stabbed
in the back
this is not my broken love
cracked and tarnished
this is not my shattered self image
this is better living
through denial.

circa 04

Fragment #2

circa 03

i write on the bottom of my shoes to forget
the names of people and places
that i had to walk away from.

Fragment #1

Slipping slowly
Darkness gaining
Life Ebbing
Light draining

The end is near
Come closer to see
If you have the will
You soon will be free


circa 05

questioning everything

circa 2002

i want to know why it's okay
to hurt people so
to stab them in the back
lie, cheat, steal
shun what you don't really know.

i know it's not okay
no matter what answer is presented in front of me.

i want to know why
we hate based on creed
race, organization, nationality
hate what bleeds the same color as you or me.

i know it's a bunch of shit,
underneath everyone looks like me.

i want to know why
god doesn't see his people in agony
the love they have for him
that they think will buy eternity

i know i should believe
but i'll believe when i see
he loves me
until then i question everything.

Girl

circa 2002

I see you there girl
weeping in the dark
why do you mourn I ask
She clutches at her chest
I think of me
I have been there I reply
Tears roll from eyes that never cease
I look at my feet
what do I say
Tell her everything will be okay
That everything is alright
fingers that now seem to weep
clutch at eyes that don't sleep.
She stands there in a haze, a maze
she's a basket case from
what I can see.
She makes no sense to me.
I turn out the light so I can no longer see
Me standing there
looking back at Me.
I am that girl I see.
That basket case weeping is me.

Breakdown

circa 2002

i keep searching my soul for a glimmer of beauty or hope.
i keep searching my face for a hope of seeing a smile of confidence.
None of these things are there
no glimmer of beauty or hope
i find no confidence, no smile, no happiness
i search my heart to find a reason why
i feel so betrayed.
i search my body for a little strength to pull me through.
i find None, no strength, no reason to feel betrayed.
pleasant in my breakdown
this is all in my head
my soul is not hurt, my heart is no bleeding.
i have all the strength i need, all the beauty instilled at birth
and i am happy and confident
at least i think.