heartbreaker

circa 2003


i want to break a heart, it doesn't have to be yours.
i just want to know how it feels, must feel great or else people wouldn't do it.
they'd just hold you in their heart forever, you'd feel safe there.
not insecure like you are out here, on your own, all alone, no one to call your own.
looking in, looking back, tracing your steps trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
where you fucked up, where you fell from
why didn't you get up?

ask me again, maybe i'll have answer next time
but for now i'll say, i didn't have the strength
i'll say i needed you hand, i needed it to stand, my legs couldn't hold me alone.
i needed someone to call my own and you were there so i thought you would care
but instead you paid my fare.
a one way ticket to the heart break hotel.
wrote a check, checked out.
i felt cheated.

i want to break a heart, it could be yours, i wouldn't care.
it would feel good to get pay back.
revenge tastes sweet, after earning it stab by stab,
by stab.
my heart no longer bleeds, it just stares at me, asks me why
i let you make me die, on the inside, make me lonely
make me hate you.

i have no answer for my heart
i can only tell it that i cared, that's all i can say
does it understand that the mind can play tricks.
cruel, unusual heart crimes
makes you think they love you back,
until they stab you in the back.

i want to break a heart.
rip it apart,
be cruel, ruthless and cold.
see how high it gets me.
see how i feel inside
will i feel better, worse? powerful?
maybe i'll feel like you
thinking that makes me ill but, i have to do it.
taste the bittersweet, tell someone that i do not prefer their company,
that i'd rather be alone.

i want to break a heart.
it has to be yours,
payback is a bitch.